i hate planning my wedding

Here is your warning: This will not be a positive happy post. This will be sad and depressing.

So weddings are expensive. nNo matter how thrifty, sane or crafty you think you are, weddings are expensive. I was SO inspired when I first started planning by looking at blogs like a practical wedding and 2000 dollar wedding, that I thought, "Hey, I can do this. It will be fun."

I don't know what I was thinking.

It's stressful and expensive no matter how many corners you cut, no matter how many things you comprimise on, no matter how many things you give up. Don't get me wrong, it's fun to dream about things like that Casablanca gown I am in love with and the black calla lily boquet I want. But, in reality, we can't afford it. Period.

Don't get me wrong, I am extremely thankful for my life and my future hubby. We bought a house a little over a year ago and love every moment of it. We love the freedom, excitement and uncertainty that comes along with being a home owner. I am very thankful for our beautiful home.

Having a home means not having a kick arse wedding. Meh. We actually talked about going to Annapolis to the Justice of the Peace and calling it a day. And as much as I can't wait to be married to Tom and honor the fact that one day I can call him my husband (and me his wife), I can't help but get a little sad of the fact that this idea kinda makes my sad. It actually makes tears form in my eyes. Does this make me selfish? Do I sound like a brat? It's not like I want a wedding that is so over the top and outrageous that we sacrifice our nest egg for it. Like I said, we already bought the house! And, our venue is the beautiful Patapsco State Park. It was the cheapest option that had all the elements we wanted.

I think I am rambling now.

Bottom line, even though our budget is A LOT of money to us, it is still tini tiny in the world of wedding planning. And it's stressful to think about it. It makes me want to NOT plan it, and that's sad. I'm going to go put on my big girl panties now.